Like I said in my previous post I have only recently begun to see myself as a daisy, metaphorically of course. This change began after I became very disappointed with situations in my life, feeling as if many were my fault and that I had some how failed. And with this failure I began to long for the days when I felt good about myself, for the things of yesteryear in which I had been accomplished and had been recognized for those accomplishments. I began to regret opportunities I had let slip through my fingers, either those of my choice or of people around me. With these memories of how good I had been and "what ifs" came even more pain and feelings of being a failure. One not so fine day in May came that reckoning point. You know the point where everything seems to fall down around your ears and you are forced to face the facts of here and now. The memories are just that memories, and the lies you've been telling yourself and possibly those around you are seen for exactly what they are, lies. This is a horrible and awful place to be, yet from this awful place comes new growth because there is no where to go up from the lowest of low.
This reminds me of daisies after a winter. The previous year they grew big, strong, and that lovely shade of living green. They bloomed and blessed those around them with that smile of sunshine that you can pick and carry into your house. And then winter came, that long, dark, cold time of winter. The blooms stop, the green fades to that dry dead brown and the plant becomes buried under a bed of snow, slush, and sleet. Come the end of winter there isn't much to be seen, except a little stubble and the dark brown rotting bits of last years leftover stems and leaves. It is only the gardener that truly knows and loves what this pile of seemingly rotten plant was and is. It is that same gardener who, come spring, will clear away the rotting debris and fertilize the daisy plant in preparation for it to become once again the blessing and beauty is was created to be. He will clear away the weeds that have sprung up and are stealing the light from his beloved daisy. The weeds that have choked it and twisted around it convincing it that it is worthless and less important then the other plants near by. He will water it and tend to it because he cares for it.
I was that rotten plant. And God, who loves me (and you) more then anything else in the world, gave me my day of reckoning. He came in, and through the words and action of people in my life, made me face myself. It wasn't easy and I didn't like it. It was painful when He pulled the weeds. Those weeds of lies that I had convinced myself were true. Lies that I had created trying to protect myself and lies that others, knowingly and unknowingly, had planted into my life garden. It hurt when they came up, because my true roots were so entangled into their roots that it felt like I was being pulled up too. And with the lies being exposed came the truths I had to face. I am not going to be a rose, an iris, or an orchid any time soon. No matter how hard I tried to grow to look like one of them, I was designed to be a daisy. At first this thought hurt, because as I've said before who wants to be a plain ordinary daisy. I know I love daisies, but still...just a daisy? Why God, why do you keep reminding me of the daisy? For a week after my reckoning I struggled.
"Be a daisy" my heart of hearts whispered.
"But what's so special about a daisy?" I whispered back.
Slowly, ever so slowly God started to reveal little truths about daisies to me, little truths about myself.
I would describe a daisy as a happy flower. And have often heard it called a sunny flower. Both those descriptions bring to mind a smiling face to me. As I child I was often called Smiley, because I never stopped smiling and had enough happiness to go around. Where had that joy gone?
Daisies are perennials, they bloom and bloom and bloom some more, all season long. Flowers come up, bloom, and fade, but new ones are there to replace those that have withered and turned brown. Growing up my family had numerous trials and tribulations, many I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet even when it seemed like everything was going wrong, I was always looking up to God with hope knowing there was going to be something new and better coming. Where had the hope gone?
Daisies may appear ordinary, but that doesn't mean they are not special or useful. Daisies may not be the center of attention, but the are the perfect finishing touch for any lovely bouquet. In fact, most bouquets would look incomplete without them. So not only can daisies stand on their own in a vase (I just love a vase spilling over with daisies.), but they enhance the beauty of the other flowers about them...they bring out the best in the rest. Daisies might be ordinary, but just because they are ordinary doesn't mean they are not beautiful and it certainly doesn't mean they can't have a big impact.
This last little bit of truth started to change things for me. I don't need to strive anymore to be any more then I was created to be. That truth is freeing. And with that truth came hope. Hope that my life wasn't wasted, that the choices I made weren't wrong, that I still have a purpose and can still have an impact. And with those truths came a small smile and a sliver of joy. My life isn't so bad and it can be even better, that thought warmed my heart.
"Show me Lord what it means to live my daisy life." I whispered.
"Gladly." my Gardener whispered back, "Gladly."
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